


Need Me

by Comeback_Kid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parent Mary Winchester, Post-Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), Protective Sam Winchester, stuck in the middle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-09 01:44:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10400919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comeback_Kid/pseuds/Comeback_Kid
Summary: Dean watches over Cas with the aftermath of [stuck in the middle with you 12x12]. Eventually Dean and Cas have a conversation about what happened the night Cas almost died.





	1. Chick Flicks

His hands were still red and splotchy with crusted over black goop. Cas couldn't figure out if it was himself or just his grace that had bubbled up into a mess of rotting black slime that spilled down his chin and neck, soaking into his shirt and plastering his torso. The breeze of the night around them hardly hit him, staring silently at the horizon that seemed lifetimes away. 

Dean found him by the car, just-- standing there. His posture soft and defeated. Like he was hurt even if his physical injuries didn't exist anymore. "Cas, you alright?" Dean asked, keeping his voice low, not wanting to disturb the moment, if that's what Cas was in... a moment. But Cas gave a slow nod, turning to face Dean with that familiar sadness echoing across his features. "Let's get you home." 

Nobody got too far. Sam's phone lit up about fifteen minutes down the road, a short text from Dean letting him and Mary know they were gonna call it a night. Just crash at a motel and head back to the bunker in the morning. Mary seemed ready to question it, but Sam knew it was a general shakiness on Dean's part; an unwillingness to push Cas into further uncomfortableness. They pulled into the motel behind Dean and Cas, Sam glanced over to Mary before shutting the car off, listening to her quietly question if Castiel was going to be ok. Noting the sudden slowness with which he moved, walking like a one man army in his opinion. "Yeah, mom, he's- I think a good night's sleep will help." he tried to assure her through his own uncertainty. 

Dean nudged Cas forward, towards room 5 for 4. Keeping his steps in line with Cas', but not so close that he was on his heels, grabbing the door before Cas could and hearing the sigh come from Cas. "What's wrong?"

"I'm- I know how to open doors, Dean. I'm ok. I'm fine." he didn't want to sound mad, to his surprise Dean just heard the exhaustion instead. 

"You wanna shower first or eat- and don't tell me you don't need food or a shower. Tonight you're gonna splurge like a human." Dean tried to lighten the mood, catching a small, narrowly missed smile pass over Castiel's lips. Seeing the hidden smile only brought a smile to Dean's lips as well. He followed Cas into the room, stopping when Cas stopped and just stood in the middle of the room. A look of disgust settled onto Dean's face the second he clapped a hand on the shoulder of Cas' coat. Grimy, sticky goo still wet on the fabric, his fingers brushing the back of Cas' head- warm and still damp with sweat. "You gotta change out of this stuff man, it's disgusting." he leaned forward to see Cas staring down at his clothing. 

"I don't have anything else. I lost this the last time I tried washing it..." Cas replied, hesitant and disengaged as the shock slowly wore off. Dean didn't say much back, didn't say anything back actually. He moved himself in front of Cas, reaching up to push the soggy, dirty trench coat off Cas' shoulders. The thump of the fabric the only noise between the two with Cas still staring blankly at his feet. At least until Dean reached for his once white shirt, scraped up knuckles rising up to stop Dean. His brows were furrowed and his lips pressed together and then forward in a troubled scowl. 

"I have clothes you can borrow, Cas." Dean brushed Cas' hands away and started on the buttons, the faded blood already browning against the now greyish white shirt. "Let me help." Cas resigned to a familiar stance, shoulders hunched down and his arms dangling idly at his sides. Staring at the stain of red and black on Dean's shoulder. 

"Dean?" Cas finally answered back, letting Dean push the shirt off his shoulders before shrugging them so Dean could just pull it off and toss it in the trash by the bathroom door. He waited until Dean looked up at him, fighting back uncertainty all over again and launching into his words the moment Dean looked up. "I just... um, well." he sighed out, breaking eye contact himself and staring at the bathroom doorframe. "I mean what I said. In the barn, I meant what I said. I didn't say it just because I was going to die. I mean... well maybe I did." Dean listened quietly while Cas stammered, nudging him backwards to sit on the side of one of the beds, kneeling down to pull Cas' shoes and socks off. "This grace doesn't fit me like it used to. It's... different now. And this body..." he stared down at the crease of his abdomen near his belly button. A strange layer of filth smothered over his skin, reminding him of thousands of monsters crowding his vessel at once time years ago. 

Dean leaned back with a sigh, looking up at Cas still trying to formulate sentences. 

"When I came here-- to earth after pulling you from hell. Earth was still just a foreign place that we didn't visit. I didn't have any-- I had no reason to chose your side. And then I started to doubt heaven. I started to question if it was right. If using you and your brother for our own war was right. And, I guess that's when my grace stopped fitting." he inhaled deep, Dean watched the way his shoulders rose, observed the mess of colors on Cas' exposed skin. "Being human was, well it was terrible. And lonely. And I missed you, a lot. And I never thought that I would be an angel after that. I thought working at a gas station and sleeping behind buildings and in alleyways was what I would do from then on out." Cas watched Dean lower his gaze, saw the warm blush that washed over Dean's face. The shame that soaked into his features. Cas slid himself off the bedside, criss crossing his legs beneath him and sitting down in front of Dean, reaching forward and grabbing onto Dean's hand and holding it gently. 

"We hurt each other, Cas. A lot. And I'm-" 

"Don't say what you're going to say, Dean. That's not why I'm telling you this." Cas interrupted him in that oddly polite bluntness he always seemed to carry with himself. "You taught me that it's ok if we don't fit our destiny, you taught me how to survive on my own, even when I was being hunted. And how to come back from rockbottom even if you don't want to. How to know right from wrong and you taught me about family. Not only that, but you let me be family, part of your family, you didn't leave me behind." he ran his thumb over the back of Dean's hand, feeling the cracks and scrapes that constantly healed over and over on their hands before letting go and just flopping his hands in his lap. "I... have never felt like I belonged anywhere, I don't know if I believed I ever would. You made me feel like I belong, even if that just means sitting in the backseat of a 67' chevy impala."

Dean laughed quietly at the words; a bright sparkle to his eyes. Like genuine happiness, shaking his head and leaning back against the other bed and rolling his eyes. "You gotta stop watching all those chick flicks man." he joked, shifting to sit on his knees and then getting up, grabbing onto Cas' elbow and pulling him to stand up. "But just for the record, Cas." he spoke while pulling Cas towards the bathroom, setting a hand on Cas' back between his shoulder blades and shoving him into the bathroom to clean up. "I love you too." he grabbed the door and closed it, hearing the shower turn on not long after and a low humming noise coming through the door soon after. Cas humming some song he'd heard countless times on the radio in the impala.


	2. Eyesight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary begins to understand the entirety of what both Dean AND Sam went through and spends some time with Sam, just getting to know him and learning about Dean and his friendship with Cas over the years.

The water rolled over his shoulders slowly, the pressure low, but the warmth welcome. The cool air of the motel room blowing overhead through the small bathroom as he took his time, letting five minutes quickly become ten. Dean knocked on the door after it became fifteen, hearing the rushed uncertainty of Cas assuring him he was fine, but he ended up going in when the clock hit the twenty minute mark. 

"Cas?" he was quiet going in, seeing the steam and growing condensation on the mirror and knowing the water had to be cooling down by then. When Cas didn't answer Dean pushed the curtain to the side. It wasn't like either of them was a stranger to the human body and to be honest Dean wasn't sure Cas even cared about nudity. His brows went from concern to frustrated concern when he pushed the curtain to see Cas just sitting under the water with his arms outstretched over his legs that he'd drawn up just a bit. The water splashing across still red shoulders, traces of black still lingering in the curls of wet hair at the nape of his neck. "Cas, what's wrong?" Dean knelt down next to the tub, ignoring the water that splashed out at him. Hesitating on whether or not to set a supportive hand on Castiel's back. Ultimately deciding against it. "You just been sitting here the whole time, man?"

Cas nodded in silence. And Dean didn't feel right pressing him for words. Not yet anyway. 

Instead he got up, walked back to the bedroom and grabbed his duffle, grabbing the soap out of it and heading back to the bathroom. Cas had his head up, staring at the wall by then, kneeling down again Dean squirted some of the shampoo in his hands and eerily reminiscent of when he was a child himself caring for Sam, he set his hands in Cas' messy hair- not even stopping when Cas started to speak. "I can do it by myself. I know how, I'm not a child- I can do it." he assured Dean, but Dean picked up on the notes of change in Castiel's voice, not buying a word of it in the moment. "Dean... I can do it."

"Just let me help you, Cas. I've taken care of Sam for long enough to know when people just need some time." he suds the soap into Cas' hair, watching the black gritty goop wash out, grabbing the bottle and putting more soap in his hair after that. "Want some music? Sammy always wanted music." he kept his voice low, unaware of Mary and Sam just standing in the doorway to the bathroom observing the interaction. Sam gave Mary a small unsure smile before heading back to the beds, setting his own bag down and turning to Mary. 

"Dean did a better job of raising you than I ever could've didn't he?" she asked, her small laughter pained and sad. 

"Mom..." Sam felt lost for words in the moment, but he tried to summon some anyway. Ease the sadness she seemed to be radiating. "You never had a chance to, besides you got four years with Dean, everything you did for him he tried to do for me so... I mean, it was like you were there-"

"It wasn't, Sam. I know it wasn't. I just-- god. I took Castiel to a barn to die, Sam. A barn- I should be the one making sure he's ok, I should be the one caring for all of you and I just can't help but think, what kind of mother am I that I can't even keep your angel alive or safe." she sat on the bed across from him, running her hands over her face and into the tangles of blonde hair. Listening to Dean sing in the bathroom to the angel sitting in their bathtub. 

_"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away and I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."_

Sam sat down beside her, swinging his arm up and over her, wrapping her into his side and sitting with her for a long while as Dean sang. "I've spent my whole life wanting to know you, I know- I understand that you need space. And me and Dean, mom, we respect that, we do. But it's just-- Cas he's, it's different with him mom. He's like a brother- he came here ready to throw Dean back in hell anytime he wouldn't listen, he was hardly willing to even touch my hand the first time we met, but he changed mom. He became family and he's been family for the last... 8 years." Mary listened quietly as Sam explained who Cas was to him, to them both. "He's like our brother, but he's not... he's not your responsibility mom, he's not your son and it wasn't your fault that he got hurt- and who cares about the barn. You needed a place for him to rest and you found one. That's more than we could've asked for anyway." he tried to ease her pain, tried to ease the guilt she seemed to be radiating. Not sure where it was coming from or why.

"Do you think he really loves him?" Mary asked, throwing Sam off that time, a small almost embarrassed smile forming on his lips. A soft, unsteady laugh coming from his lips before he nodded. 

"Dean and Cas are a good team, they work well together, but they fight like they've been together for decades-"

"Like an old married couple." Mary joked softly, earning a laugh from Sam, patting his leg before giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"A little, yeah." Sam laughed softly. "Cas picked us over all of heaven and I know he misses it, but he's never ditched us. He's made his share of Winchester mistakes, but he's always come back from them. He's always tried to do the right thing. He's a good guy- I'm not sure we'd be halfway where we are now if it wasn't for some of the stuff Cas has done for us. Somewhere along the way I think Dean just stopped caring what anyone thought... and started letting how he felt about Cas show."


End file.
